On this day in 1997 I was declared cancer free. Last year, it was completely undetectable, as if it never happened. I woke up extra early to rejoice. It is quiet in NYC at this time of day. I am crying as I write this. I was so scared. I never told a soul until 10 years ago the cause of my cancer. I waited until my mother died to even utter my molestation and rape to another. I held it alone. I held it in silence. I ate it. It affected EVERY aspect of my life. It wasn't until a few months ago I was able to control #PTSD
It took me 10 years to heal my PTSD. I lost people in my life because of EXTENSIVE solitude. I did what I knew how to do. I hid; in the dark;alone; shaking the whole time. This time around, I worked on allowing my mind and not my emotions to be in control. I allowed myself to trust ME to catch me; to comfort me and reassure me. I accepted, finally, that even this brought me a gift. The gift was my voice. The gift is that if I survived all of this and then some, I can depend on me. I am enough. I was always enough. It was until I healed I heard my mind whisper to my heart and felt my heart love me whole and complete. I am woman. That is spelled G,O,D,D,E,S,S. I earned every jewel in my crown. I earned the smile on my face today. I earned the King the Universe will prepare. I earned all the travels. I earned all the laughter. I earned all the love of the thousands of ancestors before me. I will never again be burdened by the PTSD fog. When it rears it's head, I will declare, "I am the Demon slayer who carried burdens that were not mine. It made my arms and back strong. You cannot enter me anymore. I am not that woman who was vulnerable to you anymore." PTSD monster will retreat back to hell where I used to dwell. Even devils fear me
This is a picture of a #cervicalcancer
cell splitting. This is also a picture of a monster I slayed.
Here is what #rapeculture
doesn't understand or have lived through. When a woman is raped, RAPIST DON'T USE CONDOMS and can give you a disease called Human Papilloma virus (HPV). Some cause warts and some cause CANCER. .
I AM A FUCKING WARRIOR AND I SURVIVED BEING GANG RAPED AND I SURVIVED CERVICAL #CANCER