Warning: long, sappy post ahead: I call these moments “aha moments”...in the car is when I do my best thinking, praying & reflecting.
Tonight I was driving home with my little angel & this song came on that used to make my heart ache every time I heard it (a thousand years, Christina perry). I look back at my little handsome one & he’s sleeping contently. I just started crying. All these memories of the heart ache were flashing in my mind. I remember the days & nights praying for my baby. Most of the time, I trusted God’s plan for me. Sometimes I worried. But all the time, I wanted him so badly I could see him. I saw him in my dreams & I felt him in my soul. Fast forward a few years later & here is this little piece of heaven that is beyond my imagination, dreams & more than I prayed for. I looked back & was elated to be staring at this baby in my back seat. I look around now at home feeling over joyed to see toys, teethers & bottles. I always knew I’d be a good mom but I know now that God made me wait to make me not just a good mom, but the best mom. And I’ll say that with no shame or apology because I am. Maybe I would have been that mom that bugs me (you know, the one who always complains about mom things) if I didn’t have to go through that time of sadness. But because I did, I happily serve my family the best I can, every. single. day. I know that it’s a true privilege to be his mommy. The fact that God chose me to lead & guide him through life on Earth is something I’ll never take for granted. This boy changed me, my life, & my purpose immensely. My sole purpose now is doing whatever is best for him no matter what that means for myself. I put this out there bc i hope it reaches the eyes of someone who needs it. Maybe someone who’s struggling with infertility. Your time will come. Your angel will come. You will go down this path that may seem dark for miles but at the end, there will be a light. Maybe someone who’s in a parent-funk, you feel like you’ve neglected time with your kids or lack patience right now. You got this. Be better starting now. Pano, thank you for being my driving force & bright light, my baby. #ahamoment