Ugh, let's not even talk about dating.
Even now when a guy asks me out I immediately think it's a trap. At 22yo the ridicule and seemingly normal questions designed to make others laugh at me from sad kids at primary secondary school has stayed with me.
To add to that, I now have my weight to be unnecessarily self conscious about. I tried Tinder. Yep. I did. Every time I spoke to someone I felt the need to make an attempt at a joke that would let them know I was big. Usually some thing about my thighs suffocating them if they turned the topic sexual. Trying to remain sexual whilst wondering whether they would be repulsed by the idea of a big body.
When I met guys for the first time I would dress as slim as possible, even now there's that pang of anxiety when I meet someone new in that capacity.
I like to believe thay I care very little what others think of me, and yet my self worth still seems to be measured by my body. So this year my NYE kiss was my squishy, pudgy, 5' teddy, Derek. (Literally the only man who can't run away)
Maybe next year it'll be different, but as far as I'm concerned this is the best start to a year ever! 🐻
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