ahead. . . .
Have you ever felt like you were living somebody else's life???🌴
The closer I get to reaching my goal of leaving the Midwest, the more alienated I feel while still here. It's almost like the natives can sense my dissatisfaction. It only reinforces my desire to vacate. 🌵
I've never felt like I belonged here, (or anywhere for that matter) but I've wanted to move away since childhood. The older I get, the more I feel like I'm living someone else's life, in their state, with the people THEY relate to and the features or qualities that THEY enjoy about this place.
There's nothing for me here.🌴
It's not just the long, harsh winters, or the fact that we're surrounded by flat, mountain-less, manuer-smelling farm land for hundreds of miles in almost every direction, it's a FEELING of not belonging, a foreign sense of being homesick for a place I can't name.🌵
For years and years, I've tried to adapt. To explore the neighboring states as well as the natural benefits of living somewhere with so many changes in weather and scenery. I've been to the forests, the lakes, the hills and fields, have smelled the fresh autumn air and marvelled at the colored leaves, basked in the summer heat, and even had fun (some) with the snow from time to time. I've enjoyed them all . . . but it's not where I want to be.🌴
I've always thought it'd be cool to die somewhere different than where I was born. I've longed for the ocean, the desert, the mountains and beaches...the cacti, palm trees, rainforests, and all the strange people that migrate west. I can't fall in love in Minnesota anymore. I'd never be happy. Either I'm alone until death opens its door for me, or I find a home in a land where I don't feel lost and lonely, outcast and foreign.🌵
Also with age and experience, I've learned the fine art of detachment. Nothing holds me and ties me down like before. Everything flows and likewise, all things must pass. That's not to say that I don't feel life and love and experience passion, but simply that I learned to no longer grasp those things to keep for my own fulfillment and selfish purpose. Climb the mountain and move on.