I saw you, yesterday :
"Everything happens for a reason, and it's not necessarily your job to find all those reasons." This line was said by one of my favorite YouTubers "Domics". He uses cartoons to illustrate the daily life experiences.
So Can I ask you something? Why are you doing this to yourself. Are you happy with who you are?
Go ahead to give me some random excuses of not doing what you love.
How come you pretend to be this fine? Yesterday you questioned god and now you believe him. I saw you yesterday roaming on the silent roads searching for your own paths. I saw you smiling at small children and that smile slowly faded away. Why?
Yesterday I wanted you to live but you chose to die. Because I thought I'll see the best of you, but you settled with something close to worst.
I thought I'll see you at the party with a big smile but you came up with dried up tears.
Why you chose yesterday over today?
Why you chose a live in the flash backs to life in the past rather than present's spotlights?
Because yesterday I knew you were not happy.
Yesterday you dug deep inside your heart to search for happiness, but did you find it?
I saw you throwing words at yourself when you looked in the mirror all weak.
But is it worth it? To chose yesterday? To chose something that was just a hollow scream?
Because I see you everyday going away from what you love, slowly stepping aside or drifting away and parting goodbyes with people you love.
I know you love being loved. I know you wanted attention from someone who didn't even looked at you. But don't live in like this.
There is a world out there. Waiting for you to accept it. There is someone waiting for you. Who will love you more intensely than anyone did. Who will love your present and kiss away your past.
Because I knew you were happy yesterday. But I know you'll be much more happier if you live this day. The day that's infront of you.
Aku lebih suka mengelak daripada merawat sebab aku tau sangat aku tak kuat nak lalui proses 'rawatan'
Circle aku sangat kecil. Aku tak mudah percayakan orang tapi percayalah aku sangat senang dipengaruhi. I'm sick of it😥 jadi aku elak terlalu ramah. Biarlah nak kata aku sombong sebab sesungguhnya aku serik dengan banyak perkara tentang hubungan sesama manusia ni
Saja nak bgtau, aku tak suka bersaing. Aku tak suka rasa insecure. Aku block semua yg kau namakan crush dan segala yang ganggu fikiran aku, dengan cara tu aku rasa aman. Aku delete social acc lain sbb aku rasa being alone bukanlah satu jenayah
I place my drink down and the dark memories choreograph certain scenarios in my conscience. The relapses are kicking in towards the community college days. Heartbreaks, financial matters, family struggles, and pain. I understand I am not a perfect man but these poems are heaven sent. The blank space has been vacant for long point of times. Kicked out of the house, no job, no car, no food on the table, pain from a superficial relationship, fake friends with fake intentions, and no money to take the bus home. Sleeping on a bench in the city with no place to go, while the shadows of strangers pass and I howl waiting for the moon to descend. Fast forward and things move at a rapid pace. Working for a powerful agency, food on the table and meetings with political officials. I still wish I could speak to my dad more and my boss less. Wish I could get more emails from my autistic brother than former vice presidents. Wish I could solve the climate crisis and receive less negativity. My pockets seem to get filled but emptiness is all I seemed to have..
Yo yo yo. Check out my #jeffreydahmerglasses ! Say whaaaaat? Oh. And the #poem . It’s an older one I wrote for @sweetnothingspoetry called “The Bastard of Istanbul”. It was too long so I cut out the first stanza. Here is the poem in its entirety: ~~~~~~💋
things have been obstinately peaceful
in the centuries since we wed
i left you my true diamond glow
and took a trip to Tangier’s dusky rooms
keeping with me the one part of you
that is always and only mine
this feels like a dream, doesn't it,
like pages torn from a book
you whisper my name only
when i am too far away to hear it
but i feel it like slender fingers
i send it back to you in the
shapes of women ~
every type of poem
you ever wanted to hear
we will always suffer
the tantalizing magic
the inability to be awakened
i’m coming back for you
i will replace that bullet with my lips
we will make love in a steel mill
in the dead of night with a pretty boy
with Blake and Beckett and Baudelaire
i’ll finger your lines and kiss you to sleep
as the sun comes up, reading to you
in dreamtones The Bastard of Istanbul
You'll know pain when it walks up to your door and raps its ragged fingertips against it begging you to let it in.
You'll know pain when it sneaks its way in through the cracks of your soul carving a treacherous path as it makes a way to your core.
You'll know pain by the way it groans your name with no regard for the time or day . Its only desire is to have its say.
You'll know pain when it whispers its secrets to you in the dark of night all the while you hope and pray for the break of light.
You'll know pain when its voice echoes off the walls of your heart with each echo as sharp as a dart.
You'll know pain by the way it gently caresses your heart only to violently squeeze out every salty tear as it rips you apart.
You'll know pain ,oh you'll know pain...you'll know pain when it calls your name.