When I reflect back on the past 23 months, it has been easy to focus on the pain and the struggle, the uncertainty. The whole process has been stressful and tiring with what seems like endless appointments with this doctor or that expert and still we feel no further forward in getting "the justice I deserve" (to quote the ads). But, when I take my focus off the accident and the pain, I see that this has been a huge period of transformation for me. It has allowed me time to just be, to appreciate what and who is around me. Probably for the first time ever, I have the time to be truly who I am. To appreciate what I am but also what I am not.
Hours and hours home alone gives plenty of time for thinking and questioning. For looking back but also forward. It has shown me that I have been trapped by the constraints of others expectations, always the people pleaser but never honestly pleasing myself.
Albert Einstein said "adversity introduces a man to himself." Truth be told, that man knew some shit 😊 Through my toughest trials and tribulations in my life, I have learnt the most about me. I have learnt that I am stronger that I ever thought, that my body can withstand vast amounts of physical and emotional pain. That I am tolerant and patient beyond belief. I am incredibly vulnerable but also tough when I need to be. I have had my belief in justice and what is right severely dented but I still have hope it will all come right in the end. I have been terribly let down by some but also lifted up so high by others, I get dizzy. I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter how bad things get....and believe me when I say right now things are bad. There is always a silver lining and a blessing somewhere in the mix...there is!! To quote Mary Tyler Moore "you can't be brave if you have only had wonderful things happen to you." Life isn't easy, it's not always fun but it changes, it brings challenges but also great joy. We need to be open and prepared to see what is in front of us.
So often the "what is" is spoilt by the "what if."