#actuallybpd

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My summer break starts tomorrow wooo~ soo I've been flirting with this guy I've met online and it's done wonders for my self-esteem and we've been talking for hours daily and I actually really like him, but now that he wants to meet up / go on a date I'm getting scared hahaha pls leave me alone I'm too broken to let anyone near me Whateverrr What've y'all been up to? #bpd #bpdmeme #mentalillnessmeme #mentalhealthjournal #mentalillness #borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #actuallybpd #cptsd
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Found this on tumblr with the text: . . . . "i love this because it simultaneously reassures trans people, reminding them that they are not alone, while lightly threatening transphobes because there’s nothing they can do about it." . . . . And honestly, that is the biggest mood right now. I'm so happy I came out this week, I feel so more free and happy. I feel like I can finally start building myself up. With the one that I love and our dreams and future plans. I'm getting excited for the future, can you believe that? . . . .  #knolling #leuchtturm1917 #notebook #art #artjournal #sketchbook #drawing #illustration #artistsoninstagram #inspiration #book #books #artbook #bujo #bulletjournal #planner #music #journaling #nature #poem #poetry #moleskine #copicmarkers #actuallyautistic #actuallybpd
I #learned something today. It's that people with #bpd struggle very hard with relationships. Because we only see things black or white good or bad it's very difficult for us to have healthy #relationships with people. Coupled on with the fact that we feel emotions on a WAY more intense level then normal. You dont just "love" the person you FUCKING WORSHIP THEM. They could do no wrong. You're #clingy #needy #insecure you put the person through BEYOND hell. Dont get me wrong she put me through hell too. She had #bipolor Disorder the two of us were young and not seeking help. We thought we could fix each other. One summer she said she was going on "vacation" and she never came back. She met another guy and that was that a....... "healthy guy" (they're still together and married)6 years later we met up on ig. She apologized to me and said she was doing a lot better with her illness. I was WAY worse. Because of my #blackandwhitethinking I hated her but still loved her at the same time. Anyway #sheblockedme 2 weeks ago after I called one of her post bullshit.(it was). But hey I'm doing a lot better these days with understanding that grey area. It's not black or white good or bad that's just not life. Shes human she makes mistakes I just wish she could see all the #progress I've made😞....oh well it's all about seeing that shade of grey and for someone with #borderlinepersonalitydisorder it can be the hardest color to understand.....🤙 #bpd #bpdwarrior #bpdlife #bpdfam #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #bpdproblems #actuallybpd #selflove #selfforgiveness #ihatemyex #itsoknottobeok #sheblockedme #bpd #relationships #breakups #life #sorry #wehurtpeople
Tea. Coffee. My life. I ponder. I fight my mental demons. Always with a hot beverage. Really wanting to restrict today. And always. I feel awful when I see the weight on the scales. I need to shrink away to nothing. Im not worthy of anything. But I'm not strong enough. I binge. I purge. I restrict. I over exercise. I gain weight. I lose weight. And no one knows what is happening because my appearance barely changes. I smile. Im working out. Im eating healthily. But these are so easy to fake. It is so easy to fake these behaviours in to non disordered things. So people dont know whats going on. It's going to be a tough day. #recovery #recoveryispossible #ednosrecovery #selfharmrecovery #addictionrecovery #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoverywin #depression #anxietyrecovery #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anorexia #bulimia
I never use to like my body. #growingupmixed (black dad Indian mom) in queens NYC was a challenge. I had a #problack Christian dad and a DEVOUT #hindu mother. My mom would always tell me I was a "coolie" boy, where as in my dad would say "boy......dont ever forget you're a black man and the white man ain't given you shit". Lol as you can guess I grew up very confused. School was HELL I was (and still am) the butt of many gas station, ghandi, camel jockey kind of jokes. I got beat up a lot and spent a great deal of my childhood alone and sad. I mean could you imagine turning on the t.v and seeing NOBODY that looks like you. Not a rapper, not a basketball player, nothing. I mean don't get me wrong I would see EAST Indian people on t.v but I'm a guyanese Indian are cultures are WAY different. Not to mention I never really "belonged" to any single group. Not black enough for black people not white enough for white people and because my father was black not Indian enough either. I always hated my hair too. It always made me stand out made me different. Growing up I wanted to be JUST black(dosen't everyone?🤣). I wanted to be tall and strong and be good at sports and have waves lol. Anyway long story short I'm alot older now and I see things differently. I embrace the fact that I'm mixed. I take pride in my hair and my size doesn't make me insecure anymore, hell I even became hindu after years of being atheist which made my mom happy. The things that make us unique are what makes us.....well....us. Don't get me wrong if there's something about yourself you don't like then by all means change it but never run from your uniqueness. #selflove #selfforgiveness #self #bpd #bpdwarrior #bpdfam #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #bpdproblems #actuallybpd #wehurtpeople #sorry #bpdgirlfriend #bpdboyfriend #bpdnon #sheblockedme #crazyboyfriend #hinduism #guyanese #mixedboys #blackandindian #eatingdisorderrecovery #cuttingrecovery
So loud. Im in so much pain. Had pizza for dinner with some friends. Bad idea. Im in so much pain. My stomach hurts. All i want to do is purge. But i know that it will make it worse. And the voices are yelling at me that this is my fault. Im not strong enough. It's punishment for eating. Its punishment for being fat. I'm weak and shouldn't eat. I so want to launch in to recovery but it is so hard when the voices are so loud and i don't feel strong enough to resist. #recovery #recoveryispossible #ednosrecovery #selfharmrecovery #addictionrecovery #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoverywin #depression #anxietyrecovery #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anorexia #bulimia
My #sister jennifer and I are very close. People even say we look like twins even though we are 7 years a part. Growing up with her was a joy. She was that weird shy gothic girl who played "white people music" I thought everything she did super cool. Anyway we had stopped talking for 6 years. No lie I can't even remember why. That's how #bpd is it's called #bpdsplitting or #blackandwhitethinking . It literally is an inability(can't spell I know) to see people and situations realistically (as shades of grey). Basically I believed my own sister was THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. She would call and I would just strait up not answer. Anyway..........long story short I'm working on my illness and after a very tearful reunion we started talking again. She said what I did to her over those six years REALLY HURT HER. I found out she has #bipolor disorder.(so you could imagine how we use to bump heads🤭) shes been threw ALOT and I could have been there for her.......but I wasn't. If you have a loved one with #bpd understand they dont want to hurt you. I know it can be VERY hard going threw the ups and downs of #iloveyou #ihateyou #ihateyoudontleaveme . But you have to remember they are sick and it takes years of HARD ASS WORK to get better. Likewise if you're in a relationship with someone who has #bpd and they are just unwilling to change and get help then you MUST LEAVE. Also if you have #bpd and you hurt people then use your illness as an excuse.....FUCK YOU. You make the rest who try to be better look bad. Anyway just sharing one my #bpdsplitting stories. #bpd #bpdfam #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #bpdproblems #actuallybpd #selflove #selfforgiveness #ihatemyex #itsoknottobeok #sheblockedme #bpd #family #wehurtpeople #sorry
Repost @normal_sounds_boring Been feeling a bit all over the place recently, so I've tried to get it down into words on my blog. I've been doing loads of doodles over on my other account @scratchthatdesigns and just taking time out to spend with my loved ones and await my next appointment with the mental health team. Mental illness is such a flipping struggle, but I'm hanging in there and continuing my inner battle ❤ ❤ #KeepTalkingMH #BPD #bpdchat #borderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #selflove #inspiration #happiness #motivation #smile #mentalhealth #spiritualhealth #encouragement #givethanks #recovery #recoveryquotes #recovering #keepfighting #nevergiveup #holdon #mentalhealthmatters #positivethoughts #peace #resilience #treatment #emotionalhealth
I #learned something today. Life is all about timing. The universe has away of taking away and giving. My whole life I've always wanted a #family of my own. I always wanted to be a #father and a #husband . I always just wanted a life with that one person who understands me. I now I'm coming to terms with the fact that these things take time(the right time) Now is the time for #selfdiscovery #selflove and #selfforgiveness so that I could be that amazing #husband and #father I want to be. Although she cheated on me(they're still together and are married with a son😤💔) I have to tell myself she has these things because its HER #time and ares is over.To anyone with #bpd just know YOU are not a #relationship your first love won't be your last and eventhough they left they did care......#bpd #bpdfam #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #bpdproblems #actuallybpd #selflove #selfforgiveness #ihatemyex #itsoknottobeok #sheblockedme #bpd #relationships #breakups #life #ihatemyex #sheblockedme #bpdboyfriend #bpdgirlfriend #bpdnon #wehurtpeople
My life at the moment is coffee and tea. I drink. I ponder my life. Im trying to figure out what is holding me back from rebellion against societal standards about weight? What is holding me back from breaking free of my mental illness? I've always wanted to be skinny. But i know that happiness doesn't live there. I wont be skinny and happy. I need to find happiness right where I am. I need to break free from the standards I hold myself too, ones that are based on unrealistic expectations and desires. I need to ditch the negativ self talk around my body and weight and be ME. I want to accept my body for what it does for me - I have run marathons, carried and birthed 2 babies, I am free in my movements every day, I practice yoga and martial arts... I will not be confined or defined by what my body looks like anymore. I will break through the barriers and be a warrior and advocate for self acceptance and defying societal definitions of who we should be. #recovery #recoveryispossible #ednosrecovery #selfharmrecovery #addictionrecovery #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoverywin #depression #anxietyrecovery #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness
My lucky number 13 tattoo. Done on the Friday the 13th of my 31st year. Hand tapped by Filipe Alves (his first go on someone other than himself) and I love it. I think it came out great, it's just what I wanted yaaaay! #fridaythe13thtattoo #handtattoo #13 #luckynumber #happy #selfcare #love #newtattoo #actuallybpd #enjoythegooddays
Freaking out. Just want this all to end. #actuallybpd #picu #2 :1
Cup of peppermint tea to calm me down. Had a Subway 6inch wrap for lunch and wanted to purge so badly afterwards. I started too, but managed to stop myself and told myself that eating that was ok. It wasnt going to make me any fatter than I am now. It wasnt making me a bad person. I literally yelled and screamed to myself in the shower as I fought my own mind and thoughts. I screamed and cried. But ultimately I did it. I didn't purge. Now to get through the rest of the day. X #recovery #recoveryispossible #ednosrecovery #selfharmrecovery #addictionrecovery #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoverywin #depression #anxietyrecovery #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anorexia #bulimia
I #learned something today. I am not alone and I'm not the only one. I always thought my only options were a mental institution jail or death but today I met some interesting brave women like @bpd_beautiful who have the same illness I do. It's very hard for them but they get threw everyday with #progress it showed me that with honest work I could do the same. Much love to @cswag730 @coldheart100 @jpunderscorejp @lovekandii @bpd_beautiful @luvlegacii for all the understanding #love and #support #bpd #bpdwarrior #bpdlife #bpdfam #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #bpdproblems #actuallybpd #selflove #selfforgiveness #ihatemyex #itsoknottobeok #sheblockedme
Love this photo from @makedaisychains . I often cannot talk to anyone in real life about all the thoughts and feelings that I experience. I don't want to burden them with that. It's not fair. So i seek solace and understanding in the online community. And i have done since 2003 - when I used online forums to seek out people who self harmed as I felt so alone in my behaviors. Now, with social media I feel connected, encouraged and supported. I can instantly be connected with people and accounts who can help.me through the bad days. However I also find myself seeking triggering accounts too when I am in a bad headspace and want to self harm and wallow in my own thoughts. Something I need to stop. I came online this morning to share my feelings. I came online to check in with the people I follow. And im trying to not listen to my emotional,hysterical mind..... but its hard. Today, I've had a weight gain. And i know its because I ate yesterday and didnt purge my dinner like I normally do. I need to tell myself that eating normally is ok. My weight does not reflect who I am inside. I do not need to punish myself today because of it. But i know I will. Will smash it out at the gym and will restrict what I eat. I am balancing between wanting to recover and listening to my logical and rationak mind and saying fuck it and listening to my emotional, damaged mind. 😦 #recovery #recoveryispossible #ednosrecovery #selfharmrecovery #addictionrecovery #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoverywin #depression #anxietyrecovery #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anorexia #bulimia
Bmi healthy range. Still on 2:1. Things are shit. Not going to mention actual weight loss or numbers due to potential triggers. #actuallybpd #picu #losingweight #relapse
This is sadly legit. I started snowing signs of severe anxiety by the time I was three. I never want to be a child again. I'll take bills and shit any day. #Repost @bpd_beautiful (@get_repost ) ・・・ whoa #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #borderline #bpd #mentalgrowth #mentalhealth #mentalillness #awareness #support #actuallybpd #personalitydisorder #personalitydisorders #actuallyborderline #mentalhealthawareness #dbt
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