"I've been thinking and getting inside my head a bit. Not down but not on the high I was before when life was good and I was free of doubt, free of worry and concerns. Winter has been giving me the blues I'm not going to lie. I feel as though I'm on a bridge, transitioning from one place to another, but feeling as though I'm holding myself back. Like I'm letting people slip through my fingers, friendships, bonds, family, etc. My touch with nature and myself is disconnected. I find most days I'm upset with myself rather than feeling powerful and strong. As if me not caring for myself means others don't either. But how funny perception is, is that if I called up any one of my mates and said hey I miss you and need a day, or family, or even nature. Not one of them would deny my request. Isn't it funny that because I feel as though I'm wasting away, so is everything around me.. isolated and yet surrounded at the same time. I wonder if any one else is feeling the way that I'm feeling? Maybe it's the weather or being to busy to rejuvenate yourself even though you need to. Feeling uncreative and unfulfilled with yourself but knowing you can be if you just tried that little bit harder, but you give yourself slack, and more slack, to the point where you can't get out of bed if you don't need to be anywhere. Another episode I tell myself, then I'll do something. Lacking that motivation and self love because I've let myself go to far. I wonder so many things. So today I will try." 16/7/18 Me. Let me note it publicly so that I have to continue to try.