Yesterday and today I have not been able to get Jeremiah off my mind. There isn’t a single day that goes by where I’m not thinking about my babies in Heaven but yesterday was so hard for me.
Spring brings about emotions of letting go, and growth. It draws me into purging things I shouldn’t hold onto. For a long time I have harbored anger towards God for letting me even get pregnant in the first place. But I’m learning, truly more and more about His plans for my life and like a puzzle-pieces are being put into place. Each piece made for one purpose that feeds the purpose of other pieces around them.
Lately, my dreams have been filled with me having a baby in my arms. Some of the dreams I’m breast feeding, others Jayme and I are putting our babe to sleep. Then there are dreams where we are celebrating milestones and birthdays. It’s so hard to let go. .
About a week after finding out there wasn’t a heartbeat, we decided to call our child by the name, Jeremiah. It was a name God had given me randomly(one we hadn’t ever considered) and I assumed it was because of Jeremiah 29:11 but I think it was because of Jeremiah 31:3.
God knew in my time of grief, I’d resist Him. He knew I’d blame Him. He knew I would scream at Him and question Him. But He also knew He would love me through all of it. He knew He would draw ME in with His kindness. .
Guys, I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I write this. God thought of me. Always has. Always will. Today, I was finishing my notes in church and I decided to write “Accept the presence of God, trust in Him” as my goal for the week.
The last thing our Pastor said AFTER I wrote that goal, “Celebrate God’s presence, daily!” God knew that as I’ve been dreaming about being a mother, that I have felt alone. He wanted to show me, He is right there. Knocking on the door of my angry heart. Relentlessly. I pray friends, that you feel-see-hear-know and most importantly be His love. Be His light. #thoughts #miscarriage #grief #onedayatatime #hardship #pathwaytopeace #churchthoughts #Godisforme