Part of me hates to admit it, because I get uncomfortable and defensive about the sayings, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' and 'everything is a lesson,' and 'without darkness we don't know light.' I recently awakened to the fact that I used these ideas to keep myself in abusive situations, and also no longer buy into the idea that 'love hurts,' and 'life is suffering,' and 'life is sacrifice.' Today I see these quotes as victim blaming and spiritual bypassing; unconscious submission to the manipulators. I used to hold a belief, an addiction, to putting myself in terrible situations to 'learn the lesson,' and be 'stronger,' or 'wiser.' I used to feel that if I wasn't suffering I wasn't living. It took decades for me to see that some people are actually happy and fulfilled and life is easy and works out. I just hated 'perfect' people and thought they were all just hiding their pain.
Well, I recently had an episode in which I was targeted by a NPD and I thought I could just handle it for the sake of getting some needs met, some projects done that otherwise would have cost a fortune. I ended up in a downward spiral that lasted almost a month.
As I come out and can see clearly again, be myself again, I have to admit that sometimes the pain does help me to realize more what the joy really is, and to go forward with better understanding of what makes me happy, and stick to that.
It so refreshing not to be in a place where I have to fight and defend and prove myself. Ugh that sht is so exhausting and inauthentic.
So, yeah, I do learn from my mistakes. I no longer think that I have to make mistakes or seek the darkness to feel alive. There's stuff that's just bad and wrong and can effect you forever, and it's not 'how life is.' A person can be happy an fulfilled without having to suffer. I don't think a broken person is necessarily stronger because they were abused or sick. People go through stuff that they really shouldn't have to.
#mentalhealthawareness #depression #bpd #npd #sociopathy #lessons #victimblaming #spiritualbypassing #traumabond #anxiety #suicidal #broken #refreshing #exhautsing #mistakes #happiness #fufillment