Lately I've felt like I wish I could just not care.
One of my weaknesses is how deeply I feel and how much everything touches me on almost the most primal level. With so much hurt in the world, in my kids, in my town...I found myself thinking about how easy it would be to just not. 🤷🏼♀️
I've been trying so hard to just shut off the feelings to things that aren't happening directly in my home, partially because after I deal with all my own things and all these kid things...I'm exhausted. There's seven people in this house pulling me in seven different emotional directions; not counting my personal insides and the baby currently settling in on my bladder. There's a lot I don't discuss publicly, or with anyone except maybe @heidandseeking
because I don't know that I can trust some of this messy-ness with anyone but God and the people I feed dinner at night. 🤔
Thus I've found myself wishing my weakness away. Hoping for a sturdier heart and a thicker skin. Praying that God gave me some of that armor He promises to keep out the world. 🙅🏼
My husband, in all his wisdom the other day, told me that this isn't a weakness. I love hard and feel deeper and while there's nothing wrong with the boundaries I need to keep myself sane and stable right now, I am incorrect in seeing my heart as a weakness. It's a strength-one that allowed me to open my home and heart to children. One that makes me send random texts to those I see changing their tone on Facebook-one that has given me a passion for helping the less fortunate, the broken, the bruised and the lost. There's no shame in the pulling back we all need to do sometimes to heal and reconnect ourselves to God...but there's also no weakness in the love Jesus gave and we are encouraged to give. 👊🏼
It's a reminder I need every few years, usually when my personal stuff begins to hurt more like a failing heart than a skinned knee and I need to lean into Christ before other can lean into me. I'm sure my love enjoys the chance to tell me I'm wrong, but he always does it so gently; a rebuke I'm thankful for.😂
So in an attempt to care for others while caring for myself, how can I be praying for you today?💙