I miss my sister as if a piece of my heart is missing. I have been waking up for the past three months with tears and confusion. I went through shock, denial, fear of death and missing her non-stop. I thought I found a way to deal with everything but I rather lost my way totally. I started seeing the whole past as a pain, I saw nothing positive in it anymore, for me it was a painful reminder of losing her. I started contemplating my life and started believing that everything I once did was wrong. I start looking back at all the things I regret and wish I wouldn't have done or could have done better. I felt as if I forgot about my religion and this was my punishment. I started preaching forgiveness, mercy and growth, trying to convince myself I was growing, but I was stuck. I felt bad and I started to act as if I had to make up for everything before the time was over, because losing her so suddenly at young age made me realise that it could happen to me at anything time as well. After a wake up call, I realise now that I've always was comfortable in my religion as I always tried/try to live my life as a good person. I thought it was necessary to change my personality, but that's what everyone loves about me. I started seeing the pain when looking at@my
family/ friends everyone could see my confusion struggle. I know now that everyone has things that they regret doing or wish they havent done at all, but that's part of growing. I now remember what my parents thought me and why my love for Allah is great, because there is no judgement, no one is perfect all we can do is strive to be happy and content with our life. The past is the past (the great, good, bad and terrible) it's the now that matters and how you handle things now. I regret treating the one person that stood by me through it all harshly, you supported me when I was lost and helped me find my way back again, the one person who loves unconditionally @jammiboy.
I'm sorry that I made all of u crazy with my moodswings, I am happy with a bunch of amazing friends. My favourite hashtag was #wanderer
, I guess I really was 😂 #tb #instagood #instamood #instalike #like4like #likeforlike #likeforlikes #love