Birbs like "why u look like dat" 😂😂🌊💩
Have you seen this man?
He was last seen visiting Sainsbury's Chard multiple times a week for the last two years and has never stolen so much as a plastic bag from there.
Our security team would like to talk to his parents in regards to them doing such a wonderful job raising the boy, and regularly believe he would make great practice for catching any actual shoplifters
Their suspicions were first raised when he repeatedly made a point to return his basket, along with any other items he no longer needed to their rightful place.
Eye witnesses say the suspect is just under 6ft 3" and has eyes an ex-girlfriend once compared to a beautiful watercolour painting, making him very hard to forget, for fucks sake.
If you would like to know more behind our reasons why we still insist on following him round, please contact customer support on 555-704100 because the suspect is believed to be all out of ideas at this point.