Pt 1: Rejection. Fear. Jealousy. Heartbreak. Sadness. Self hatred. I never ran. I cried. I sat in silence. I thought. I spoke out unto emptiness, the only returning sound being myself. I rested. I recovered. Time and time again. They say not to let your experiences make you but thats exactly what they do. Lust, morality, confliction, PAIN, growth, ANGER, FAILURE, death, all of it. All of that made me who I am. I embraced it. Channelled it. Resilience is an amazing mental quality, and it was up to me to decide what I took from my experiences. Spite, and cynicism are biproducts of hate. Just because I feel like everyone else does doesnt make me bad. Ive come to find the stupid are constantly happy. Found myself envying others for the seemingly amazing lives they had, when I had deemed to be worse people than myself. I am who I am because I spend "too much" time in my head. I am who I am because I put "too much detail" into things, and because I "overthink" everything. Because I'm always prepared. Because I observe everything. Because I spent day in and day out beating myself up inside and out because of what people said, and the things I felt, and because of my morals. I kick my own ass because I'm not totally who I want to be yet. But not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for being an overactive mind. I will take a "hard" life over being ignorantly bliss any day. I'll take being too smart for my own good and confliction over bad morals and the constant deciet of others. The things I went through made what you see today despite what you think. Some choose to run away from what made them, I chose to stand and fight it. Defeat is not always a loss.
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